My Road To Hope

bblove:

erotumblr:laureola:nakedness:obliteratedheart

Could use a little of this …

Me too…..

Con. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. But I know how I feel. You’re back and it’s never been this good. And I’m terrified. I’m terrified that it will all turn back into what it was. So I tried to say no because I was afraid of being here (Again). But I couldn’t. I would have regretted it if I did. I just hope that I won’t regret this decision in the future. I hope that you will be the man to me I know you are capable of being and the man you were on Friday night. And I hope I can let go enough of the fears that I’m facing to enjoy what we share. Because what we share? Is the stuff that dreams are made of.

xoxo Me

PS. I have officially fallen.

I’m pissed off. I want to punch someone. I want to throw up. But mostly I’m just sad. Almost heartbroken. Fuck it I probably am heartbroken. Why fuck around with me. Why jerk me back and forth. You say one thing and do another. Something is real. Something is there. Or maybe… probably you’re just a really good liar. Either way Con. FUCK YOU. I can’t take it/do it anymore. I opened myself up to you when I didn’t think I could and you just shit on it. Not once. Not twice but a million times. I’m a fool and I know it. But you’re a charmer and know how to work it. And I’m weak. But I’m going to try. I’m going to try and let go. Disappear from your life. Because you don’t deserve me. I’m the best thing that ever happened to you and you’ll never know it because you are a fool too. So this is goodbye.

Met a boy tonight… A really cute boy….. Amazing kisser…. Got a little touchy feely…..But I was a good girl….hopefully I’ll get to see him soon….. Not ready to do this but inside I think I am. I want someone to want me… The way he did tonight… Def feelings there but need to be careful… I know myself and can fall to quickly….

I’m quite clearly hard up…. I just squealed twice…. over twilight….. I’m 26…… enough is enough.

Byron Katie

Em is one of my oldest and dearest friends. After I graduated high school we lost touch, then reconnected, then lost touch again. Since C’s been gone from my life I’ve spent entirely too much time on the internet…. but because of that I was able to find her again and here we are, back in each other’s lives. 

Em… you will probably never read this. But I will tell you this and soon. 

I am so thankful to you. We are meant to be friends… for the rest of our lives. It’s been shown to us over and over again. They say everything happens for a reason and even though I can’t find the reason that you’ve not been in my life these past eight years you are here now when I need someone (anyone) the most. And I couldn’t be more thankful that that someone is you. You have helped heal my broken heart. You are the light that I didn’t think I would see for a very long time. 

Thank you for being here for me… the true friend that I need, want and most importantly love. 

xoxo Hope

Laying in bed…. Hungover from the first night I’ve had out in a long time. And as much fun as I had I hate the fact that I had no one to come home to… My only hope is that this feeling doesn’t last forever….

Getting out of bed is the worst part of my day…

Ready to start over. Can’t let go of the past. The lonliness is consuming.